#I feel like everyone failed her

[smallbrooke1998]

Tokitae Tribute C. 1966-2023

It's been over a year since Tokitae's death in August and I made this piece as a tribute.  I originally intended to make this drawing back in 2023 when she first passed, but because of irl things, I kept it in my backlog until a few weeks ago when I began working on it again.  Some info about Tokitae: There was this ploy back in 2023 to take Tokitae (her name is technically Lolita) out of her unethical environment at the Miami Seaquarium of 50 plus years and return her back to her waters of origin, the puget sound off the coast of Washington State. Despite her declining health, the media claimed that she was very healthy and fit enough for the journey back. There was also the claims that there was going to be a seapen being built for her and that sort of thing. This campaign was played on the media for 6 months until August of 2023 when she passed away. During the ploy, the Lummi Nation Tribe from Whatcom County Washington were all for the return and they named her, Ska'aliC'ehl-tenaut, which meant female orca. They were also waiting for her and even went to Florida to spiritually connect. They also had a campaign themselves to try to bring her home so when the ploy was announced, they participated.  Of course, that would all change in August 2023 when Tokitae was found dead in her pool. She was found to have died of renal failure, something that she had for a long time. I personally think that the campaign would've never worked because I knew she was unhealthy.  She was captured in Penn Cove in 1970 in the puget sound and apart of the L-Pod, she is believed to be the calf of Ocean Sun L25. She was estimated to be 3-6 years old, so her age was unknown but it's believed that she was born in 1966, although some people think she was born in 1964. She got sold to Miami Seaquarium in Miami Florida where she would live most of her life. She also had a tank mate, Hugo, but in the early 1980's, Hugo died from a brain aneurysm due to repetitively hitting his head against the glass and concrete. Leaving her the only orca in her small enclosure, the only company she had were pacific white sided dolphins. By the time of her death in 2023, she was the last surviving Southern Resident Orca in captivity. She died on August 18th, 2023. As of September 2024, she's been deceased for a year and one month.  After her death, she got cremated and her ashes got flown back over to Washington State to get spread in her home waters. A ceremony was held and the Lummi Nation tribe spread her ashes back into her home waters. So she did get to go back home, but post mortem. No pro or anti-captivity in the comments, please. I personally believe that orcas don't do well in captivity and there should never be another orca in captivity again, but that's never going to happen. But I still don't want to argue about this issue. 

Posted using PostyBirb

[moghedien]

Minthara says “in Her name” when you first meet her and she’s following the Absolute but when you recruit her and she expresses that she no longer follows any god, but she still has an intact paladin oath, and she says “in your name” occasionally because she’s no longer Lolth’s paladin or the Absolute’s paladin, she’s your paladin

[lizzieraindrops]

You know what, I figured out why we're having so many errors in Destiny 2 now. It's because with the addition of Micah-10, we've finally reached a critical mass of women with drop dead gorgeous voices, and the game simply can't handle it anymore. It's like Telesto. Too powerful. If they'd actually put Ikora Rey in a rendered cutscene for more than 5 seconds it would have shut down the servers for good

[jajatoc]

An attempt at a fem Harry design, but make her already wlw

Kim follow-up!

[piko-rose]

My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)

When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.

She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.

She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.

She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.

...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.

Remember this line?

You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:

Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?

...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)

As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.

She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.

I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.

...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.

I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.

And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.

She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.

During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.

She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.

But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.

Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.

...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?

But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.

If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.

I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.

She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.

Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.

So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.

She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.

For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.

She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.

But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.

If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.

But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.

He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.

He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)

She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.

He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.

Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.

They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.

None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.

They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.

Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.

It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.

Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.

She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.

She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...

She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.

I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.

How much he loves her.

And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.

Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.

It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.

She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.

I feel like this moment here...

-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.

Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.

And it's all thanks to Sonic.

If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.

Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.

He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.

Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.

Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.

They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.

"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"

"Wouldn't dream of it."

[apotelesmaa]

I don’t think ppl give enough credit to rui for his dedication to fucking with people (outside of tsukasa of course) like. Knowing & acknowledging that nene wants nothing to do with him and Tsukasa on her first day of second year and deliberately following tsukasa to loudly ask if she’s getting along with people (just to be a jackass)? Implying his gift to akito will explode even though it won’t bc he wants to bug akito? Like I think rui at his core is full of love and a desire to make ppl smile but I also think he’s 200% committed to the bit first and foremost. If something will be funny he’s going to do it regardless of the consequences. Guy filled with zero social anxiety & a never ending desire to embarrass his friends.

[clowningaroundmars]

aromantic mike chilton for @aggressivelyarospec week!!!! :D

accompanying story under the cut!

It didn't work out with Julie.

They had broken up and decided it would be best to stay friends. After all, with Mike... nothing really changed at all. Like... nothing.

And that was kinda the problem.

Julie didn't think herself to be too judgmental of a person, not after everything everyone's been through. She and the Burners worked hard, played hard, and succeeded together (oftentimes against all odds).

They slept in cuddle piles after dinner some nights whenever Julie could slip away for more than a day without arousing her dad's suspicions. They passed bongs around for a lung-hacking hit or two, went skinny-dipping in the lake at night, patched up each other's bloody wounds countless times.

And then somewhere down the line, Julie fell in love with Mike.

She had no idea when exactly, since she doesn't really do feelings like that, can't afford to with a life like hers. But it happened... somehow.

Julie couldn't quite place exactly what it was that initially drew her to him, especially at first. Sure, the guy was friendly, decisive, assertive without being too overbearing, and unbearably charming. But.

It was the charm that caught poor Julie totally off-guard, really. She'd often hear her father ranting and raving about his golden-prodigal-son-turned-traitor, and his ID photo in his file wasn't really much to look at, either. Julie would never admit it out loud, but she had snuck down to Motorcity for the first time ever with low expectations.

Later, she came back up to her pod in Deluxe with stars in her eyes.

But she wasn't in love with him then, no. She knew this because she was pretty sure her constant Mike Thoughts did not manifest until after the kids all went to Antonio's together for the first time.

It was summertime, around nine months after the group was (un)officially formed. The heat had Mike shirking his jacket and leaving it in Mutt, and his old t-shirt was getting a tad bit tight after all the exercise he was getting around the hideout, especially after Texas moved his workout gear in and Mike took him up on his offer for semi-regular sparring sessions.

And boy, did that Mike fella fill out. Mhmm.

Even Julie-- a girl who was mostly blind to typical male affections directed at her in school-- had to admit to herself that when Mike put on a little more weight in the right places, when his biceps bulged a bit as he flexed an arm and his shoulders got a bit wider... it took a lot more effort to wrench her studious gaze away.

Geez Louise.

Before long, she was doodling their initials and combining both of their names in her little sketchpad. Gag. Gross.

But Mike never seemed to pay attention to her the same way in return. She didn't catch him looking away from her at inopportune times, and he'd never lay a single hand on her aside from a typical friendly pat on the shoulder, or a comfortable lean on an arm while the Burners all lounged around during movie nights. Hell, he seemed more affectionate with his best friend Chuck than he was with her most times.

So she kept her thoughts to herself. Easy peasy. She kept secrets from her dad, from her friends, and now from Mike. Like everything else, she created a neat, separate file in her head and tucked that little secret away. She managed to conceal it for long enough.

Until it became too big to ignore.

And then it happened.

And it really just... happened. Julie hardly registered herself even doing it.

It happened like this: Mike had rescued Julie from certain death at the lake after she crashed an out-of-control 9 Lives out through the barricades and into the water, and they were panting and coughing up water on the sand after Mike succeeded in dragging her out. Dutch and Texas were busy racing around and distracting the Kanebots, luring them all away from the pair.

Julie didn't say anything. Neither of them did. Julie just... surged forward when she blinked the water out of her eyes and saw him, his angelic face hovering mere inches away from hers. She remembered the dewey drops on his long lashes and the warmth of his lips more than anything else.

And then she's pretty sure she blacked out afterwards because the next thing she remembers, she's waking up on the couch wrapped in blankets and towels, wearing Chuck's hoodie.

She doesn't ask anyone why Chuck opted to be the guy to lend his clothes to her.

(It wasn't Chuck who lent it to her though.)

After Jacob makes sure she has a steaming mug of soup in her hands and is generally fussed over enough, he bids her a goodnight and leaves a big holoscreen playing old-timey anime shows for her.

Shortly afterwards, Mike slips into the room on feet far too quiet for a rowdy teenage boy like him. Julie almost misses his entry and startles when she notices him casually leaning on a wall over to her right, almost blending in against the garish grafitti and street signs.

They sat down and spoke quietly, privately.

Julie appreciated that Mike had enough tact and forethought not to confront her in front of all of the guys. Thank god. Julie wouldn't even know how to handle the endless teasing that would inevitably assault her from all angles if they ever even suspected that she had a crush on Mike.

And how embarrassing, really! The only girl on the team falling for the charming and roguish leader of a group of rebels. Double gag.

It was by some miracle that no one ever suspected Julie's true feelings, and that the actual love interest found out before anyone else did. Lucky her!

And incredibly, Mike shared her feelings too! Who would've thought it! Definitely not Julie, that's for sure.

Mike hadn't even seemed to glance her way at all in all the time they had known each other. He always maintained the same level of friendliness with her as he did with the other guys. But he confessed then that he knew Julie was special, and that their bond that grew in the time they had known each other was special, too.

Wow. Look at them, both hiding their feelings so well! It's like they were meant to be.

So they agreed to go steady.

Eventually, they told the rest of the Burners. Well, it really was just that it was kinda hard for them to ignore when Julie would sneak her index finger over to Mike's hand and hook it onto his pinkie as they walked back to their cars after a quick errand run for the Skylarks or an easy mission.

So they decided to make the announcement at Antonio's, which Julie thought was perfectly poetic. It was where she first fell in love with Mike, and now here they were a year and a half later, making it official.

They didn't expect the other guys' reactions, though. The Burners received the news... lukewarmly.

"You guys were in love?" Texas spewed bits of pizza all over the table as he chewed with his mouth open. Ugh. Typical Texas.

"Oh! Wow... uhm. Congrats, guys." Chuck seemed to hide behind his hair even more as his shoulders hiked up in a nonchalant shrug.

Dutch rubbed his chin. "...Yeah. Uh, yeah...? Cool. Congrats, you two."

And then silence fell over the table.

"Is... is there a problem with this, or?" Julie dared to press.

Everyone silently exchanged glances.

Mike-- bless his heart-- misread the situation and clasped his hands together on the table.

"Guys, look," he started, "this isn't gonna change anything about the team. We're still gonna be friends, I’m not prioritizing Julie over anyone else on missions. It's just... we're gonna... we're gonna be the Burners, except I’m dating Jules now! That's all!"

Mike smiled warmly at all his friends. Chuck chewed on his lip.

Dutch bobbed his head thoughtfully. Then, after a while, he said "nah, yeah. We figured. I mean, you're a pretty great guy so it's not like we thought you were gonna up and abandon us or anything. It's just that... uh. So when did this uhhh, yanno, this whole thing start?"

Julie blinked.

Mike cocked his head. "Start?" He asked.

"Y'know, like when did y'all start liking each other? Because uh, no offense, but this is kinda comin' out of the blue for us. Literally nobody thought this was gonna be a thing. Tell us some stories!"

Mike blew out a breath and leaned back in the booth. Julie smiled.

"Weeeellll," Julie squinted with excitement and then let the cat out of the bag.

She told them all about it, how in this very same booth she watched as Mike's t-shirt stretched over his muscles all those months ago and how his smile seemed to shine brighter than the diner's neon signs. Then about how she leaned against Mike's broad chest after agonizing for hours over not being able to free him from her father's maximum-security prison that one time. About all the dreams she'd have of them together, the intimate late-night talks they'd have while having a couple of drinks on the rooftop of some abandoned building. How she loved his bright eyes and strong hands...

When she finished, she had a dreamy kind of look all over her face. Mike had a brow quirked, but he smiled back at her all the same.

Everyone exchanged glances again.

"So Mike. Was it like that for you?" Chuck asked eventually. It had a strange sort of lilt to it, like he was in on an inside joke that Julie wasn't.

She bristled a bit.

"Oh! Uh." Mike glanced around quickly. "Not... really? But Julie's super pretty, so when she confessed to me, I was pretty stoked."

Mike grinned like a goofball. Julie grinned like a goofball. The rest of the Burners looked skeptical.

"Hm. Cool! Well, great." Chuck turned back to his loaded pizza slice.

And just like that, things mostly went back to normal.

And, uh... Mike was right, this... really wasn't changing anything between them and the Burners. Like at all.

A small part of Julie was kind of hurt by it, but she tried to wave the feeling away. It was nonsense, and she should be happy. Mike loved her! He just wasn't a romantic type, that's all. He loved his friends, loved being a Burner... it was fine.

Right?

It was normal for her to have to remind Mike every now and then to go out on a date with her. He's a busy guy, and this was his first relationship. Julie just had to be patient.

Patient... patient. Yeah. She could be patient.

It was when Chuck joined them for their sixth "movie date" in a row that the patience was starting to run a bit thin, though.

Chuck and Mike settled side-by-side on the communal couch, swapping snacks as easily as breathing and nursing a popcorn bowl between them. Mike hooked an arm over Julie's shoulder though, so Julie said nothing.

It was a couple of months later when Mike makes a quiet confession to her as they laid together in his pristine bed one night.

"I don't really like kissing all that much," he mumbles, face half-buried into his pillows. "But I like holding you. Is that okay?"

Julie's heart sinks into the covers. But she nods anyways. "Yeah. That's okay."

"Really? Do ya mean it? It's not weird or anything, right? We can still be together but not kiss. Maybe I can give you forehead kisses instead?"

Julie sighed softly. "Mmnyeah, that's fine."

"It's not you, it's me, Jules. I just--"

"Mike. Trust me, I get it. It's okay, seriously."

Mike gave her a grateful smile back.

Damnit. Well.

Anyways, life continued on. Julie resigned herself to accepting the fact that her boyfriend was just simply a guy's guy.

Julie liked cars but Mike was all over Mutt. Loved the damn thing more than he loved her, honestly. She loved being a Burner, but it seemed like it was Mike's purpose, like he was more devoted to the city under the dome than he was to his girlfriend. And above all, Mike loved the Burners. All of them. He spent a bit more time with Chuck than he did with anyone else in the team, but he was always there for everyone just as passionately.

Which was. Fine.

Freeing Motorcity from her father's reign of terror was indeed way more important than holding hands with a cute boy!

Duh, of course, stupid Julie.

Whatever.

When they inevitably broke up, it blindsided Mike. He thought they were the best of buds! The bestest of buds-- aside from him and Chuck, of course! But while he loved Chuck fiercely, his love for Julie was... different. Fierce but different. He could never describe it in words but he knew what he was feeling was real.

He loved Julie! So when she suddenly broke up with him, it was like getting hit with a sack of flour out of nowhere.

They were leaned up against Mutt's hood on a cliff overlooking Lake Erie when Julie finally broke the news. They were casually smoking a cigarette, passing it back and forth. Mike's idea of a "date." Anyways.

"I can't really keep doing this, Mike." Julie sighed out a cloud of smoke. She said it so matter-of-factly, as casually as if she were simply commenting on the weather.

Mike whipped round to look at her. "Keep doing what?"

"This," Julie threw her hands up and tucked them into her vest pockets after handing Mike the cigarette back. "This... 'relationship'. It's not working out."

"What... whaddya mean? We just started dating, it's kinda too early to tell--"

"No, Mike." Julie interrupted loudly. Her eyes were avoiding Mike's face carefully. "No... it's not. We've been together for months and we have never moved on from our friendship. You... just admit it, dude. You're just not into me."

Mike pushed himself off of Mutt and placed his hands on both of her shoulders, forcing them to stand face-to-face. "Julie, look at me." He had his jaw set.

Julie swallowed as she peered up at him from her bangs.

"I love you more than you can ever know. I know I’m messing up, but... but I’m trying, okay? Just give us one more chance, Jules. I can make it right, I know it!"

Julie took a step back, wrinkling her nose. "Mike! Just give it up, okay? I know you don't feel the same about me as I do about you," she pleaded, mortified. "It's okay! It's fine! We can just move on and let it go!"

"B-but it's not! No, Julie c'mon, bro--"

"Bro?!" Julie exploded, hands in the air now. "Are you hearing yourself right now? Am I your girlfriend, or your bro?"

Mike gaped at her like a fish, mouth opening just to close again. Then, he hunched his shoulders and shoved his hands in his pockets.

He kicked a couple of rocks off the cliff, watching the pebbles scatter and plummet dozens of feet below.

Then he ran his hands through his hair, a nervous habit of his, before returning back to Julie.

He exhaled loudly. "What... what's the difference? You... isn't that what dating is all about? Being best friends with your partner?"

Julie glared at him. "Yes! And it's also about being more than that, too!"

Mike scoffed. "More than friends? What does that even mean? Nothing is more important than friendship, Jules. Not in Motorcity."

"Nothing is more important than friendship?! Mike--" Here, Julie took a step back to pinch her nose and exhale. "Look. When I confessed my feelings to you for the first time, what were you feeling?"

"What was I feeling? Uh, I dunno, happiness I guess? What, did you want me to say that I didn't care? I care about your feelings, Julie! I do!"

"So you started dating me because you didn't want to hurt my feelings?!" Julie shouted.

"Where are you getting that from?!" Mike shouted back.

"Mike! You are just not into me! I can just tell! It's okay! W-we can just be friends, like how we used to be. I don't even know why you're fighting me so hard on this, I'm the one breaking up with you. You can't change my mind!"

"Right," Mike huffed, "because you don't love me anymore. No, I get it. It's fine."

They glared at each other for a beat.

Then, Julie shoved her hands back into her vest pockets. "No, Mike. I do love you. I just think..." she sighed, all the wind in her sails blowing away, "I just think it's best for us to go our own separate ways."

Mike startled. "Wait, what? Jules... are you...? You're not leaving the Burners, are you?"

"No, I'm not leaving the Burners." Julie says through clenched teeth. "I'm just gonna take a quick break and then when I come back? We're gonna be just friends again, Mike. Alright?"

Mike inhales deeply, his own anger trickling out of him like water as well. "... Fine. Fine, yeah. Whatever you want, Julie." He hangs his head.

They then stare off into the horizon together, watching the twinkling star-like pinpoints of light on the underside of the dome. Watching as the lake's waters undulate and shimmer in the darkness of the cool evening, a gigantic dark mirror reflecting the pinpoints back to the ceiling.

Mike idly scuffs his boot on the ground again, putting out their shared cigarette. In a sad sort of way, the dying ember of the smoldering stick being stomped out into rocks and gravel was a lot like their relationship: dead and done. And of course it had to be Mike to put them both out, huh. Right.

Real poetic.

Julie turns around wordlessly, climbs into Mutt and sits in Chuck's seat.

Time to go.

After a few seconds Mike nods once, fixes his collar and slides into his own seat.

The ride back up to Deluxe is quiet.

It was a couple years later when the kids were a bit older --but not that much older at the same time-- that they all filed past the doors of Antonio's and slid right into their usual booth.

Except this time, it had been a long while since they had the time to relax like this. These days, Kane's attacks were getting more and more savage, brutal... and cunning.

Kane's latest attempt at a hostile takeover of Motorcity involved way too many sneaky double-crossing spies all trying to break the Burners up and weaken the city's best defense. Sneaky bastard, that Abraham Kane.

But they thwarted him yet again, despite it all. They beat the bad guys, restored peace back amongst the gangs and the civilians, and saved the day.

It had taken weeks this time, but they succeeded.

So now to celebrate, they're placing their orders for the greasiest, most heart-clogging fast food on the menu and sitting back to happily sip at their drinks. They're finally enjoying their time together again, and Mike is especially pleased that everyone made it out alive.

Sitting elbow-to-elbow with his bestest friends in the world, Mike takes advantage of a lull in the conversation to clap his hands together and get everyone's attention.

"Okay, guys!" He announces. "So, I'm pretty sure we're all kinda fried after... y'know, everything. Everyone's probably too tired to care about what I'm going to say next! So... confession time."

"Hmhmm! Spill, then," Chuck smirks, his chin in his cyborg hand. It was a recent upgrade to his prosthetic, and it shone a beautiful silvery-blue under the diner lights.

Mike chuckles nervously. "Uh, I... I think that... I figured out that I can't fall in love!"

Everyone stares at him.

Chuck casually slurps his milkshake through a straw.

Dutch turns to him then. "Wait. You knew?"

Chuck sits up. "Uhh hahaha, whoa. Where'd that come from? You psychic or somethin'?" He deflects awkwardly.

"You're clearly not surprised," Dutch points out.

"Pfft yeah I'm not surprised. Who's been Mike's best friend since, like, kindergarten again?"

"Ah. And ya didn't think to let me know anything back when we were dating? Sure would've saved us a lot of time," Julie quipped drily.

Chuck holds his mismatched hands up. "Now hold on a minute! I didn't know back then, obviously. Besides, you two dated years ago for like... three seconds!"

"Two years ago, smartass," Julie snips back.

Mike clears his throat conspicuously. "Guys! Guys, no need to fight over me," he jokes awkwardly, "because I, uhm, I've decided I don't belong to anybody! I'm just me, and I'm not dating anyone. Like, ever."

Everyone turns back to him again.

With four pairs of eyes on him, Mike draws in on himself a bit as he continues. "Yeah, it's. It's something that I've been kinda discovering about myself and I'm still... exploring it. But I'm pretty sure I've never had a crush in my life. I was just walking through life distracted by everything else for so long that I never noticed it, but... yeah. I've just. I've just never felt love for anyone else before, I guess."

"Which is fine," Chuck blurts out suddenly. "It's... it's fine! That Mike's never fallen in love with anyone. It happens. Some people just don't experience a common thing most people do... like romance, or sex. Yeah! Totally normal!"

Dutch smirks at Chuck. "You too, then? You a non-romantic as well?"

Chuck shakes his head so hard his bangs swing. "No! Nuh uh, I'm a lover, not a fighter. I'm definitely a romantic!"

"Why so nervous all of a sudden, then?"

"Because," Chuck replies, "because... it's fine! To not ever fall in love or like... date, or kiss or have sex or whatever. We're in Motorcity now, and we can get to do whatever we want. And if we don't wanna date, then we don't have to!" Then he clamps his mouth shut.

Mike perks up then. "That's right! And ah, yeah! Speaking of, Chuckles... lemme tell ya, I really gotta hand it to ya. If it weren't for you, I'd've never figured this one out. So, thanks, buddy! As always, you really had my back on this one."

Chuck and Mike smile at each other and Texas raises a brow.

"Huh?" Texas says. "What's that s'posed to mean?"

Chuck titters nervously as Mike pulls up a screen and opens up a forum.

"It means that Chuckles here helped me find a site that explained everything I was experiencing! Or... not experiencing, really."

Chuck clears his throat, clearly relieved. "Uh, yeah! Well, after Mike's like, 10th girlfriend that one time he couldn't stop bringing people back home, he came to me all frustrated and stuff and... well, we went off to find my friends in the LARPing arena to see if anyone had any idea why he was burning through dates like Mutt burns through tires. And so someone suggested he might be aromantic, and uh... well, the rest is history!"

Dutch and Julie hummed in acknowledgement.

Everyone knew what that was like, how weird it was that Golden Child Mike all of sudden started bringing people home from parties and bars shortly after his breakup with Julie. Sometimes he even had two people on his arms, some men, some women. Never the same person after two or three times, though.

They were all perplexed when they first heard laughing and chattering behind Mike's bedroom door. Once the moaning started, though... well! Everyone poked fun at him the mornings after and teased him to varying degrees, but things were mostly chill in the beginning.

Everyone remembered Mike's frustrations after a while, though. How he could never quite land a steady relationship-- no matter how hard he tried, with whoever. It got to the point where the Burners stopped their teasing and became quite concerned after Mike introduced his 5th girlfriend in the span of like... 6 months, once upon a time.

It was shortly after his final breakup that Mike flopped down onto his best friend's messy bed one evening and finally had The Conversation.

It went well, all things considered. Chuck, patient as ever, listened to his friend and then when he couldn't offer any solid advice, he offered a distraction. The LARPing arena proved to be much better help than they could ever hope for.

Ever since then, Mike's been up late into the night often, completely engrossed in all things aromantic. He wanted to learn more about it, yearned for a community that knew exactly what he was feeling; so he stayed awake just swiping through sites and PDFs on his holoscreens, eating every bit of information up.

Now, it looked like Mike was at peace with himself and his station in life after all this time. That was a relief!

"Aromantic! That's it! Look at this, guys." Here, Mike grins and pulls up a photo of a striped flag. "This is the community flag. Look familiar?"

The colors of the flag had two shades of green at the top that then cascaded into white, then grey and then black.

Texas leaned forward. "It looks like Mutt!" He practically shouts.

Everyone laughs.

"Yeah, that sure is a you flag if I've ever seen one," Julie quips.

"Right? Like it was meant to be! So I guess I'm part of this community, then. I mean, this really is a kickass flag..."

"But what does that mean, though? That you can never fall in love with anyone, ever?" Julie asks.

Mike closes his screens and clasps his hands on the table, exhaling a bit. "Uhh, well? Well, yeah! I can't ever fall in love... but it doesn't feel that way to me! Ugh, I'm probably gonna do such a bad job explaining this," he laughs self-consciously.

"It's okay, dude. Take your time," Dutch smiles warmly.

Mike shoots him a grateful smile back. "... It... it's like. Well? It's like... I've never felt butterflies in my stomach before, so I have no idea what that's like. But I like you guys, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. I love hanging out with you all even though I don't think about any of you guys like that. I love making friends-- like true friends-- and I can't stop thinking about how happy hanging out with people makes me. I guess I'm just way more platonic than romantic, because I am just... so bad at love! God, I've never had so much trouble with anything in my life before like I have with romance," he groans, grimacing.

"And when Mike Fucking Chilton says that, that's how you know he's struggling!" Dutch puts in.

Everyone giggles.

"Wow," Julie gives Mike a side-long glance. "Finally. Something that The Great Mike Chilton is bad at! We've finally got him, boys."

Texas leaps out of his seat and enthusiastically karate-chops the air. "Hoo-WAH!!! Finally! Something I got over on ya, Mike. Texas is better at romancing than you!"

Julie rolls her eyes.

Mike guffaws. "Psshhwhat? C'mon guys, I'm bad at plenty of stuff. This isn't the first!"

"Oh yeah? Name one thing!" Dutch challenges.

"Uhhm well uh, I...? I'm pretty bad at... hm." Mike drums his fingers on the table. "I'm bad at coding! I'm not nearly as good as Chuck at the software and tech side of things!"

"But ya could be! You could totally learn how to, if you'd just sit down with me for more than 20 minutes," Chuck points out.

Mike stubbornly folds his arms across his chest. "Well, I don't wanna! What're you gonna do about it?"

And just like that, the kids all return back to normalcy, bickering and quibbling about nothing as they finally receive their food from the waitress. Soon after, Chuck and Texas are throwing pizza toppings and wadded up paper at each other and Mike is mom-ing at them to quit it before they all get kicked out.

It was as if nothing even happened.

It was simultaneously comforting and also thrilling how easily Mike was accepted back into the fold; the Burners' Heartless Leader who could never fall in love.

On the inside, Mike was deeply grateful and his heart felt full upon learning this, though. It was a nourishing feeling that his bestest friends in the whole world who worked hard, played hard, lived fast and free alongside him... they loved him and accepted him back, no matter what. It was a much nicer and fuzzier feeling than any romance-filled relationship or hookup ever gave him.

Now, the Burners are finally leaving the diner, all tipsy and giddy from their impromptu late-night happy hour session.

Mike has a casual arm slung over Chuck's shoulder as they traipse on over to Mutt. Everyone casually daps each other up and offers quick goodbyes before climbing into their respective cars.

Mike slides behind the wheel and exhales. Chuck clicks himself into his secure harness.

"Well! That went pretty well! A little too easily, honestly but," Mike breathes.

Chuck's blonde head bobs. "Well yeah, dude. Of course. What'd ya think, that'd we kick you out of the team for that?"

Mike shrugs and turns his skeleton key into Mutt's ignition, bringing her to roar awake again. "I mean... no. But, y'know. It's weird, having a leader of a gang that can't ever fall in love, right? Like some heartless freak or somethin'. I dunno," he chuckled wryly.

Chuck frowns. "Mike. You're not a freak," he says firmly.

Mike gives his best friend a sidelong glance. "Chuck..." he speaks, voice low, "it's not like that! You know what I mean... it's just that sometimes people who are different don't get treated so well all the time, yanno?"

"Yeah, sure, back up in Deluxe," Chuck argues. "But it's different down here in Motorcity. It's good here for people like us!"

Mike hums thoughtfully as he drums his fingers on the wheel. "Yeah, you're right..." then, he smirks at Chuck. "So if that's true, then why didn't you come out, back there? I actually thought you were gonna do it. It even looked like Dutch suspected something, too!"

Mike smiles at his friend, who is doing his best impression of a carseat cover now.

"Mmnyeah... yeah, I could've." Chuck gives a noncommittal shrug, hesitating.

"What's wrong?"

After a few seconds, Chuck swipes at his bangs self-consciously and clears his throat. "Uhmm well... being aromantic and never falling in love is kinda... badass, don'tcha think? But for a guy like me, never wanting to have sex and being a dope for romance is just pathetic," he laments. "If people hear that I'm asexual and that I never want to bang anyone, I'd get laughed out of the room! It's not an asexual thing, Mikey, it's a me thing."

Mike throws Mutt into reverse and backs her out of their parking spot with practiced ease.

"Chuckles. My guy. Look, who cares what other people think? If you don't wanna bone, you're just not gonna. That doesn't hurt anyone at all, so screw anyone who says anything about it. If anyone gives you a hard time, call me up and I'll spin the block for you,"

Chuck bursts into a peal of nervous giggles. "Whoa, whoa Mikey, geez! Christ, thanks, man but that's really not necessary. I appreciate you, though,"

They smile at each other again.

Then after a beat, Mike adds, "plus, if they know about aromanticism, they're gonna eventually find out about asexuality, too, dude."

Chuck laughs weakly as he clutches his arms. "O-oh...! Yeah... yeah that's tr--"

Mike suddenly slams his boot down on the gas pedal and Mutt growls as she lurches into hundred-mile-speeds from a standstill. Her tires screech loudly on the pavement and she leaves a giant plume of smoke and dirt behind as everyone careens over a drop straight onto the Deluxian Supply Pipes.

"Miiikkee-eeyyyy!!! We just ate!" Chuck screeches, horrified. He clings onto the car seat with both hands as Mike laughs.

Chuck's screams and Mike's loud, joyous shouting and whooping can be heard far and wide throughout Motorcity as they race all the way back home.

[crobones]

look i like Evan/Jammer as much as the next polycule enjoyer, but everyone insisting or joking about Evan and Sam breaking up just so Evan can date Jammer next season "to fit the pattern" or whatever... it doesn't sit well with me

[scootersscooter]

It's a shame Grace Chasity is an evangelical Christian because the way she interacts with her faith truly does read as a Catholic teenager when they're taking their confirmation classes and feel the need to overcompensate or play up their faith to receive validation or be viewed as a good person because at that moment in time everyone in their life feels like they're constantly scrutinizing their every move or trying to drag them towards temptation, even when normally their own beliefs or actions do not naturally manifest in that way.

[youthofpandas]

I keep coming back to how in Hell Screen when Yoshihide is torturing his apprentices for reference material, that he uses a snake and then a bird, and the two animals eventually attack each other and vanish after escaping the room. Two very Sinclair coded animals... Given Sinclair's already established understanding of Ryoshu + the fact in Demian he is, of course, also an artist even if that aspect of his character has yet to be shown in Limbus, I just really like to imagine in Ryoshu's canto we might get a former apprentice character who she had mistreated before and has now grown up to hate her and consider her an enemy and that Sinclair will get an Identity based off of them...

Relevant passages below for anyone who hasn't read Hell Screen or wants to look at them again.

[rustedleopard]

Hello, I saw in one of your asks that you think that Chujin tortured integrity. It makes me wonder what do you think all the kids postmortem experience was? I know the main game implied the souls were some degree of sentient but uty goes further in allowing us to control "soul" Clover like normal. Do you think they ever had a subconscious inkling of what might have happened to then before sacrificing themselves (going by that video essay were Clover subconsciously remembered resets)? Was Alphys any worse (or better?) than Chujin?

I'll break my answer up into 4 parts.

Chujin torturing Integrity: Not gonna lie here, I did jump the gun when I said that Chujin tortured Integrity. There's nothing in the game that outright proves that Integrity was tortured, though I don't think Integrity was having a good time being a guinea pig in Chujin's experiments. But not having a good time ≠ being tortured. So was Integrity tortured and that's another Sin Point™ for Chujin? Eh. Meh. Depends on your headcanons for the situation. Which leads into...

What do the SOULs experience after death?: The way I interpret it, the short answer is ✨ NOTHING ✨ (in two unique flavors!!). Being able to feel/interact with things requires having a nervous system that can respond to sensory signals, after all, and uh. If you're dead, you don't have that. So none of the kids could see/hear/smell/taste anything. As for the two variations, here are the options:

The humans have no sense for time passing or anything that's happening/happened to them without a vessel. As soon as they die and their SOUL is plucked from their body, it's like a switch is flipped. No signals are getting in, they're entirely unaware of everything though they are still "alive." You can play hacky sack with their SOUL and they'd be entirely unaware that anything is happening to them. Stick them back in a vessel though, and that switch is thrown back on and suddenly they can use all the senses that that new body has available to them. Personally I'm not too fond of this interpretation but I decided to include it because I have thought about it from time to time. You'll want to read option 2 if you wanna see what I generally default to. (If this is the case with the human SOULs, then I can't say that Integrity was truly tortured since they'd be entirely unaware that they were being experimented on.)

The humans have no sense for anything that's happening unless they are being interacted with. Essentially as long as a human SOUL is in their pickle jar/not being touched, they're entirely unaware of anything that's happening to them. But touch them and they can suddenly perceive the world, just a bit. They can feel when they're being touched, maybe pick up on a few words that are being said to them/see a bit of what the person who is handling them sees/glean a few sensory details from their handler (like if they're hurt) if the sensation is strong enough, but put them down and that effect goes away. They're less perceptive of inorganic things touching them, but they're far more aware when living things or magic is interacting with their SOUL. It's only when they're absorbed into a vessel that they get complete access to the body's senses as well as the ability to control the body. This is what I tend to imagine 95% of the time when I'm thinking about the SOUL situation of the fallen kids. (If this is the case, then Integrity being experimented on can certainly constitute torture, depending on what Chujin was doing to them. I can see him being cautious to not damage the SOUL so it doesn't shatter, but caution ≠ careful/mindful of if it hurts or not. And, let's be honest here, I doubt he'd care much if he was hurting Integrity; he wouldn't go out of his way to try to hurt them, but if his experiments are painful, he'd probably feel like they deserve it for the Snowdin Incident/because they're a human, so what does it matter?)

Either way, the human SOULs are not floating in a dark void in the middle of nowhere, because perceiving darkness still counts as perceiving something and they're not perceiving anything as a SOUL. It's literally perceiving nothing. Not a thing.

I also see the human SOULs as not perceiving time the same way that a human would. They're aware that time is passing/become aware when they're put in a vessel, but have no real sense for it. Like when you're staying up late and you check your clock the first time and it says 10:00pm, then you do something for a bit and suddenly it's almost 2 am and you're like "Whoa, where did the time go?!" except instead of a few hours lost, it's years.

Clover and remembering RESETs: Let me preface this by saying that I am not certain I am familiar with the video essay that you are referring to. So, perhaps some info is lost here. Personally, I can't see Clover as remembering RESETs. Reloads? Sure. But not a RESET. Flowey is the one with the Save File. He controls whether or not Clover lives or dies. Even in a situation where they gain enough Determination to overcome Flowey, the moment they RESET, they lose all that Determination and Flowey gets the Save File again. There's nothing in canon that proves that they experience deja vu, but if they did, it'd probably be just a weird feeling that they can shake off quickly and it doesn't do much to alter their course (for example, they'd know to not trust Ceroba in subsequent Pacifist Runs, especially if they're coming off a previous Flawed Pacifist Run where they may not be feeling so favorably towards her at the end of it).

Flowey's dialogue at the end of a Neutral Run where he talks about how Clover is getting better at getting through the Underground is more about how Flowey is starting to become aware that there's a third party, a player controlling Clover, who has memorized the path and the solutions to puzzles, not Clover remembering RESETs. After all, Flowey looks directly at the player at the end of the fight, notes that Clover's improvement is unusual because they weren't like this on their previous runs where they didn't fall through the broken switch hole, and there's a FUN Value where Flowey talks about how he's aware of another presence in his mind when it should just be him and Clover in there. So, no. Clover likely does not remember RESETs.

Is Alphys better than/worse than/equal to Chujin in terms of morality for their SOUL Experiments?:

Oh boy, can of worms time. I am gonna admit right off the bat here that I don't hate Alphys/see her as poorly as the fandom seems to. Is she a liar because she claimed to make a robot with a SOUL when it was actually a ghost possessing a robot? Yes. Is she a coward and an ass because she refused to contact the families about what happened with their revived family members/kept the Amalgamates locked up in her basement? Yes. Did she use Frisk and Mettaton to give herself an ego boost by making Frisk think that they were in mortal peril so she can play the hero to them? Yes. But I still see her as a better person than Chujin (I'll admit that a part of this is because Alphys had the chance to grow and admit her mistakes and move past them while Chujin is... too dead to do that).

So, biases. I'll try to be objective but those are likely gonna be in this next section. Also headcanons. Because, again, we just don't know the specifics of everything that happened with these experiments.

Alphys was tasked by Asgore to find a way to break the barrier with the X number of human SOULs they had (if we're going full canon purist, it likely would have been all 6 fallen humans because UTY isn't canon). She assumed that this could be done by injecting monster SOULs with Determination extracted from human SOULs to make them persist after death and then working with these persistent monster SOULs. Monsters gave up their Fallen Down friends and family members for the job, and since being Fallen Down is basically a step away from death, it's basically like working with dead bodies for monsters (I don't think it was ever made clear if the Fallen Down can still feel things/have some awareness in that state. The best comparison I can come up with is comatose people). So, Alphys got permission from the friends of the monsters she worked with, which is the closest she'll get to patient consent, no consent from the human SOULs, and was working under Asgore's orders.

Chujin, meanwhile, sicced Axis on Integrity, who ended up accidentally killing them in a very gruesome manner (Axis was supposed to apprehend the human, not blast their head off). Chujin was shocked by this because this outcome wasn't his intention, but decided to take advantage of the situation. He kept the SOUL, hiding it from everyone, then comes up with the plan to engineer his Boss Monster Serum using the strengths of a human SOUL and a willing Boss Monster: himself. While he consented to experimenting on himself, his family wasn't aware of it until Chujin clued his wife (and Kanako) into it and at that point he'd already destroyed him health and was on track to leave his wife a widow and his daughter fatherless. So Chujin was working under his own unchecked ambitions, had no consent from Integrity, and while he may have consented to the experiment, the people around him that he affected didn't get a choice. They didn't even know about it at all.

Alphys was working with Determination, a quality of human SOULs. She extracted it from the SOULs using the DT extraction machine. How many times she did this, how long the procedure lasted, how the procedure is performed, is entirely unknown. I've always seen the procedure as being similar to a blood draw, but whether or not extracting DT was painful is up in the air.

Chujin was working with SOUL extract, an... extraction from the SOUL. We don't know how he extracted it from Integrity's SOUL/if he had any specialized equipment on hand, but he does have a syringe which... paints a pretty striking image. Also, unlike DT which is a quality of the SOUL, SOUL Extract is part of the SOUL. It is a piece of the SOUL that has likely been altered in some way to prepare it so it can be injected into Chujin, then once the fusion was completed, likely extracted from the fused monster/human SOUL and refined into the serum. Whether or not being extracted from hurts is unknown, but uh... to go back to my previous metaphor, if DT extraction is like a blood draw then SOUL extraction is like removing a limb in my mind.

Alphys wanted to help Asgore break the barrier. This would've led to a second Monster and Human War (since Asgore doesn't declare peace until post-Pacifist), but it would've also freed monsters which have been trapped Underground long enough that there's an overpopulation problem/it's been generations since monsters have seen the Surface.

Chujin felt that Asgore would not be able to handle a war on humanity on his own even with god-like powers, so his serum would make basic monsters into Boss Monsters, which are much stronger. Like engineering super soldiers.

Neither party seems to know that human SOULs are alive outside the body.

I don't know which person is more moral when seeing things from the human's perspective. In both cases, the humans SOULs didn't get a choice in being used. We don't know if extracting DT/SOUL extract hurts. Maybe the comparison I used is wrong, maybe extracting DT/SOUL Extract are equally painful to each other, or getting DT out hurts more than just Extract, or maybe it doesn't hurt at all. Even if it doesn't hurt, that doesn't stop it from being wrong from an ethical standpoint (you can't use body parts from a person without consent, even if that person is dead. DT extraction and SOUL extraction should fall under this umbrella as well). They both did bad things to the human in the situation, even if they're unaware of it, so I can see the humans resenting both of them for what they've done to their SOULs. Both of them were trying to make things better for monsterkind as well. But things turned out much better for surrounding monsters in Alphys's situation than they did in Chujin's.

[kacievvbbbb]

While I love Jack and do think Alexander Calvert did a truly amazing job playing him and the fact he looks a little like Misha is adorabel.

but I do think that we were robbed from how astronomical the following seasons could have been if Jack was a girl.

[fischiee]

red vs blue season 10 episode 19 "party crasher" you will always mean the world to me

[quietwingsinthesky]

when i say a character is a woman to me i mean it genuinely. it’s only a joke so far as all gender ever is a bit we’ve all agreed to play along with but like. no. he’s a woman. she’s a man. i understand them.

[ratatatastic]

Panthers TRY to 'Draw the Shield' 🎨🖌

[galaxy-fleur]

That brief conflict between Jill and Chris in Death Island made me consider how their relationship has likely changed since she returned to the field and all the complex emotions that would follow. Jill deserves all the support in the world, honestly. Wrote out a small one-shot based on that!

1.4k words.

"-Is everything alright?"

Chris slowly came up behind Jill, his steps measured careful. He could see her hard gaze, laser-focused on the revolver she was busy with cleaning at the moment, her posture rigid, her mouth set tight. Her reasonings for this level of tidiness were utterly unknown to him, as he's seen her fiddling with that same revolver of hers numerous times already, each instance more illogical than the last. Reloading, cleaning checking, re-checking. At this point, it became obvious that the revolver was nothing more than a means for her to get her hands busy. He just didn't know why.

Time and time again, she would withdraw and isolate herself, and this was starting to become a pattern that concerned him. He was worried about her. When he didn't hear back from her, he let out a sigh and reached out to lightly touch her shoulder, making his presence known without making her turn to face him.

"Jill, you haven't said a single word to me since we got back. I'm worried."

"-Don't be." Her reply is brisk, curt. Chris sighed again.

So they were playing this game again, huh?

Ever since Jill finally returned to the field after her recovery, their relationship has been notably strained and even awkward, though neither of them ever pointed it out directly to each other, for one reason or another. Perhaps they just didn't want to acknowledge that something truly was amiss. It is only reasonable to want things to just return back to normal after all the hardships and adversity they've faced, after all. But things weren't normal. Far from it. And that hard fact was just becoming more and more apparent with time. Maybe in order to avoid upsetting him, Jill was constantly attempting to hide whatever was wrong with her. But he wouldn't be upset. And yet, she never seemed to realize that her partner would be more than delighted to hear out what was troubling her. He would never be bothered by her confiding in him.

Or maybe she just didn't want to confide in him in the first place for whatever reason. That thought stung.

In any case, Chris simply could not bear to leave her alone again like he did up until now. Instead of closing herself off and going out to tinker with her weaponry, she should have someone there to talk to about what was really on her mind. He wanted to be that person to her.

Fixing a revolver wouldn't fix whatever that was not set right in her head.

Pursing his lips, he lowered himself beside her on the bench, keeping a slight distance to avoid coming across as intrusive. Hopefully.

"...Is it about earlier or something else, at least?" He asked, taking on a softer, more hushed tone compared to his prior usual speaking voice.

Jill didn't reply, but her hands stopped their meticulous movements, the quiet sounds of the revolver coming to a stop. This lack of a response told him everything he needed to know. So it must have been about earlier after all, huh?

They did bump into some of his old colleagues as he was showing her around. From where he stood, everything went by just smoothly. When he introduced them to Jill, his guys were thrilled to meet someone with her level of experience, warmly welcoming her back on the field after a long absence. Sure, he might have gotten a tad bit distracted with all the reminiscing, but that was nothing to get this upset about, is it? Especially since Jill didn't get to get out much in the past few months. He thought getting to know their teammates would do her some good, in fact.

But could she have been bothered by him getting carried away with his peers instead? That didn't really sound like her at all, and it was hard for him to guess when she wouldn't communicate with him. At this point, he was just trying to come up with any explanation at all. He never once took her as the type to struggle with jealousy or feelings of inadequacy, but... She did clamp up on him right after they went separate ways. But it was a different sort of bond than the one he had with her. Surely she knew that.

Was she upset over him having other close friends, or was she upset over something deeper than that, something he couldn't quite grasp? It's not as if he needed her to be like them. She was Jill, his partner... and they were trusted colleagues and friends. It wasn't the same. Moreover, it felt sort of conceited of him to think that she was just jealous. No, there must have been something deeper going on here.

Chris' head was starting to hurt over him trying to read between the lines. He wasn't good at this sort of thing. Maybe that's partly why things were so tense lately. Sure, Jill didn't have to spell her guts to him over everything, but he would like to know that she wasn't shutting herself out because of him, at least. After all, keeping things bottled up inside never ended well. He knew that better than anyone. She would just end up exploding one day if she continued trying to shoulder everything on her own. He didn't want that for her.

"Jill? Come on, please talk to me. If you want me to leave you alone, that's fine, but just... Don't shut down on me like that. I don't like seeing you like this."

"...Wouldn't it be better for you to focus on those who were actually with you on the field?"

Chris blinked. Her voice didn't sound accusatory or angry, but it did sound bitter. A bitterness that was more self-inflicted than hostile. He didn't know which would be worse.

"What? No... Why would that matter?"

She huffed, shaking her head, visibly frustrated.

"No, just- Goddamnit, Chris, you're respected, you're loved. People look up to you for leadership. So many are willing to follow your lead, just because it's you that's leading them. You made a name for yourself. But you stick around me. I could have done the same. I could have been out there, fighting for what's right and doing something good with you and everyone else. But I didn't. While you were out there, I was stuck... what? Doing Wesker's bidding and then just as stuck recovering from that? And now... I can finally make up for all the years lost, and nothing feels the same."

Her shoulders slumped, her voice losing what previous ire it held. Now, she just sounded tired. Defeated.

"...Wesker's finally six feet under after all the pain and death he brought, and he still keeps taking things from me."

With a shaky exhale, he shook his head at that. What she was saying wasn't true at all. Not from where he stood, at least.

"-Jill, I wouldn't bat an eye if you were off the field for a decade for all I care. What matters is that you are here now, right this second. And sure, yes, I might have a reputation now. But that doesn't mean I stopped thinking of you as my partner. You are still more than capable of giving me a run for my money out there, trust me. You're one of the few who can. I don't know anyone as capable and strong as you are. The only thing I do regret is not being there for you much while you recovered. I wish I was. I want to be there for you. Even if I failed to do that before."

Jill sighed, her hands dropping to hang over her knees, her revolver finally completely out of her focus now. This was clearly chipping away at her, and for a long time. Sure, they had somewhat similar talks before, but... never quite as openly. It was hard to catch a quiet moment alone with how hectic their lives were, after all. Chris knew she was probably having a hard time readjusting, but he never imagined it was... this bad. He wished he could have noticed it sooner.

He rested a hand on her shoulder, fully this time, his thumb rubbing small circles into her shirt.

"...You don't need to compare yourself to me, okay? I don't always know what to say, or what's on your mind, but... the only one I always want to work alongside is you. You're the one I trust to have my back no matter what and be there when I need you. Just like I want to be there when you need me, too. So, even if I do have good buddies I worked with over the years you've been away, I want you right beside me now. If you want to be."

Quietly, one of her hands came to rest on his knee, squeezing a little. She didn't say a word to him as she did, her head still hung low, her hair obscuring her features from being seen. He didn't push her into looking at him. He just let her reach out in her own way, even if it was small.

"I'll... try to remember that. Thanks, Chris."

"Anytime."